The Outlands Odyssey, Part 2: Boulders and Bandits

Our three heroes stood on the lip of the crater, staring up at the swirling mass of stones in the sky above. From the crater's swirling, maddening winds, it looked liked this section of land had broken off into Pandemonium, but a trace of that plane’s chaotic nature remained.

After some debate, the heroes decided to go through the crater rather than round it. Ragados shaved the wax off his supply of maggot cheese and used tinkers’ tools to melt it into earplugs for himself and 12-Bar. M’nar preferred to conjure his own earmuffs. The maddening winds safely suppressed (mostly), our three headed on through. They figured they were safe from Rocks Falling, Everyone Dies due to the lack of boulders in the crater.

It’s always a wonderful moment in D&D when the players know something unexpected is going to happen, but none of them know what it is and decide to run headlong into it anyway.

Anyway. A quarter of the way across the crater, a low-flying boulder shot overhead. Despite its small size, its unnaturally strong gravity combined with buffeting winds threatened to lift our heroes off the ground and into the sky. And despite our heroes being a bunch of nerds and band geeks, they summoned the strength to resist falling skyward, time and again. Only as our heroes strode up the steep incline on the far side of the crater did someone finally succumb: Ragados was blown and drawn into the orbit of a smaller boulder. Despite its small size, he landed safely; and he’d taken a precaution to tie a rope to himself and throw the other end to 12-Bar before he fell . 12-Bar and M’narr were too weak to pull Ragados from the stone in the sky; but Ragados had prepared both Jump and Feather Fall that morning. The gnome leapt off the boulder at escape velocity, stalling his own plummet to earth. Safe and sound and past the crater, the party headed onwards. Ironridge was in sight. Even 12-Bar’s disastrous sparrow stew – the worst of his cooking career so far – couldn’t dampen the party’s spirits.

But before arriving, the party passed the ruins of a temple and was waylaid by a group that included a Duergar riding a Steeder. The bandits didn’t really enjoy being treated with the incredulity and arrogance the party offered, so they attacked. 12-Bar dismounted the Duergar with a clever spell, and M’narr finally got to Summon some Lesser Demons. The poor bandits were torn to shreds. The party left one alive (a coward) to interrogate and bring to justice. Despite the party being weak as lettuce, Ragados was able to access the bandits’ treasure hoard (hidden in the plinth of a statue) with the clever application of his mason’s tools. Now Filthy Fucking Rich, the party headed on.

Safe at Ironridge, the bandit was dumped at the gate. Heading through the gates, M’narr and 12-Bar promptly failed their saves against the two brewers, Fergus and Lesley. They both failed for Fergus, but agreed an uneasy truce. M’narr had cast Suggestion on him (“You adore me and never want to leave my side”) and 12-Bar was certain of his own magnetism. 12-Bar used Hypnotic Pattern to immobilise all the other would-be admirers, and the party fled to the brewery. 20 seconds later, the horde of admirers regained their faculties and joined the pursuit.

From fantasy comedy to zombie horror, the party barricaded themselves in the back of the brewery while formulating a plan. 12-Bar’s last Hypnotic Pattern of the day wouldn’t last long. The 3 heroes, Fergus, Lesley, and the sole Tiefling admirer who’d managed to get through all jumped out a window at the back of a brewery. Evading the crowd, they were able to hide for long enough for M’narr to cast Leomund’s Tiny Hut. The tiefling was a general nuisance and ended up knocked unconscious by Ragados’s quarterstaff.